day thirty six

[Mookie Lee]

jessie and i have been talking less than usual since the last TC...

sierra and i haven't talked since the last TC, and niether have kenny and i.


sierra, i know, has been on here multiple times since then and still hasn't gotten back to me. hopefully just busy. she was going to make me an avatar and she didn't... she, herself, is probably just busy.



i feel worried about this challenge. like, who knows which tribe is going to win.


and if we lose, even if kenny is miraculously sent to exile again, dani may have an immunity or something from exile.

she doesn't seem too worried. hasn't gotten back to me when i said hello and stuff, so she's obviously not too worried about relationships... of course she hasn't seemed too worried all game... and all those advertisements for other games sort of points toward her being involved in a few other games at the moment so maybe that's why she's not too worried...

or she just knows it's a lost cause so she doesn't care.


i'm trying hard to win this. i'd rather give up ian than risk losing right now.


i expressed my concerns to jessie and sierra at the same time, then individually to jenny and kenny...


asked jessie and sierra if there was anything we could do to ensure that if dani isn't voted out, it's not one of us three.

i asked kenny who we should vote against if we have to vote out one of our own...

and i asked jenny if we should try and work on danielle at all to make sure it's not her or myself that is voted out...



i want to think of something brilliant to say to dani to ensure that it's not ME that is voted out... but i doubt i am that smart. lol.


i hope that sierra and jessie feel the same worry as i do and get back to me wanting me to try something... i doubt that will happen though, and i do feel i need their permission to go out and talk to dani at all. atleast jessie's permission.



i'm going to submit our answers soon. i really hope we win this challenge. with each elimination i grow more and more worried, as is the nature of this game. unfortunately i've taken the sit-back and be friendly and follow orders strategy for awhile, i've already started it and i can't throw it out yet... otherwise i would take mattersi nto my own hands... probably would get myself voted out then, lol.

[Mookie Lee]

sierra asked me "how dumb do you think i am mookie?"

so yeah, she's mad at me for something. i wonder if she's tell me what that something is.


i don't feel good about the challenge and if she wants me out... i'm out.



*mookie gently sets down the shovel he used to dig his own grave*

lol.

[Mookie Lee]

okay yeah day 36 is definately the most interesting, and worse day for me, so far.

sierra IS mad at me. she says that she was told i was behind mikey's 1 vote against her, that i am out to get her voted out or that i'm trying to get dani to vote against her or something, and that... okay... that i say she's the one who has PM'ing the other tribe...

lol... well, for the record, i really did listen to jessie and not say anything to mikey b.
i definately did not suspect her to be PM'ing the other tribe... i do a little bit now though, jeez. i definately never said to anyone i suspect her.
and i'm not gunning to get her out. i'm trying as hard as i can to make sure NONE of our old rekohu members get voted out, short of maybe ian if we had won this because everyone else just seemed to agree on sending ace to exile.

so yeah... don't know who would be telling her all those things.

she says she's still voting dani out. i am as well. hopefully kenny does.

i told her everything that had been going on. told her none of what she said was true... in as nice a way as possible, considering i was being totally blamed for stuff i didn't do. that no one probably did.


i asked her, as well, what she wanted me to say to dani's out-of-the-blue request to keep her safe... she just asked me today.

that sort of helps the whole curiosity of whether she has an idol or not.


if this sierra thing could possibly cool down in time, like tonight, like if she would get back to me tonight that would be cool.

i'd like to tell dani that her best bet is to vote against kenny just in case kenny doesn't show and takes a self-vote.


to throw out there, but i definately can't if all this is going on. lol.



apparently jessie and sierra didn't have that great of communication. i really had hoped all of my asking jessie what to do before doing anything would have gotten across to sierra... so that they both just felt like they controlled me. that never worked, obviously. oh well.

[Mookie Lee]

well jenny and sierra are both online right now.


i actually did tell jenny, like earlier today before this whole sierra thing, that just in case dani had the hidden idol we maybe should tell her that her best bet is to vote for sierra or jessie...

the reasoning behind this: i didn't, first and foremost, want it to be me that got voted out. secondly, i couldn't tell jenny to go to dani and say "vote out jenny"... lol... lastly, i assumed that it would either be kenny or dani that would be going to exile if we lost... didn't foresee the jessie thing.

if i'd had the option like i do now i'd have just said to go to dani and say to vote kenny because kenny may take a self-vote... but i didn't think voting kenny would even be an option.




and jenny just told me that she's going to dani now to say tell her to vote sierra... lol...

hope i told her not to in time. see i have to stop sharing what-if-this-happens type plans before i find out what happens.

lol.

[Mookie Lee]

okay good jenny didn't go to dani yet and she's not going to.


cool cool.


still nothing from sierra. i hope she sends me something in response to my trying to clear things up message.

[Mookie Lee]

all right, last one for the day.

sierra never got back to me. i gave her a message titled "sorry" and just was totally dejected like... i even said to her "i realize if i'm voted out it's because of you so good job. i'd have voted for you to win if i had made the jury"...

like trying to say "i know i'm out now"... and then she can read after the game how i actually would have voted for her to win and i actually really did like her the whole time... lol...


i also thanked her for voting against dani even after all this... that was the first thing i said.


and i told sierra that jenny and i agreed that i should just tell dani that kenny may be getting a vote against himself this round for being inactive and that's her best chance but that i can't help dani.


i told sierra that this time i've tried to make sure the extra vote doesn't go against her and said again i don't know why it went against her last time.


jenny is also going to talk to sierra and try to find out why she thinks all this about me. assuming of course it wasn't jenny who originally said all this stuff... which i am assuming, by the way, for the sake of my sanity in this game. lol. i haven't thought for a second that it could be jenny so if it was then... wicked.



hopefully i'm not out of the game for having talked too much. the thing is, i DID talk a lot throughout the tnire game so far, but all this stuff that i'm being accused of saying... i never said... so that kind of bites my ass...

either way if i do get voted out tomorrow because of my mouth atleast i can take solice in that it would have happened sooner or later anyway for something i actually did say. lol.


a little more pretentious time before i leave, to top off a day of pleading, explaining, and confessional writing...



a tendancy to talk too much march 2009

i can't tell you
how much i'd miss you
if you died before me
i know that won't happen
you're not the one with
the incurable disease
these tendancies i've
toward shooting
myself in the foot
they will grow 'nd
they will change shape 'nd
i will end up shooting myself for good
the bravest face i've
saved for now
the biggest girl thingy move possible
and it is never
coincidence when
i wake up in the hospital

like i ever really thought that it would end this way
a flash, a flash, a great big flash, a bang!
i like i could ever really picture anything ending up this way
just a flash, just a flash, a little flash, and a bang!

yeah maybe i'm not ready yet to go but i'm stupid i enjoyed the show
it didn't have to be like this i know it's not like i just went with the flow
but it's not like i tried to change it so...
here we are, here we go and down there somewhere there's concrete below
but i won't jump, oh god knows i'll just let myself fall let like that's what i chose
and the only reason flowers ever grow is because there was dead things yo!

and once i am done it'll all have been talk
and if it weren't so fun i'd have probably stopped

the end.



not really about the game other than the basic fact that i talk way too much. like even tonight, that last message to sierra, the whole sucky fuckin baby apologetic fuckin i'm out wah-wah-wah bullshit... that was over-the-top, that was too much, she got the picture already i think and i don't think i should have sent it and i felt that way BEFORE i sent the freakin thing...

like really...

really?

[Mookie Lee]

sorry, pardon my language there...

got out of hand and sent it anyway. hopefulyl that's okay. i do believe that's like the first time i've done that.

sorry. i won't anymore.

[Mookie Lee]

okay sorry i said that was it for the posts here today but this is hilarious:

dani just got back to me ALREADY and told me she already voted against sierra!

why? why does everyone vote sierra? is she like viewed as the weak link or something? she's so NOT the weak link...

well... damn! now she's gonna' think i set that up to!

lol... this is just ridiculous. now i have to tell her that or i have no chance of her believing me after the vote...

and i've already messaged her too much.



lol... the grave just gets deeper and deeper. lol!