day ninety

[Mookie Lee]

during the final immunity challenge

ohhhhhhhh...

do you know what is super sad? for the amount of time jenny and i have talked, the promise we made to eachother, the friendship that seems to have formed...

she still thinks i'm going to win if i make it to the end and she said... if i don't win immunity, which i'm not going to win because i can't anymore, basically, without a miracle... if i don't win immunity she's undecided about how she'll vote...

she always promised she couldn't vote me or sierra...

she even promised it again after the talk with her, sierra, and i...


i'm very sad right now... sierra finally said she'd vote jessie out. even said she'd tell her sometime probably...

i mean, whether i can trust sierra or not... it'd be wonderful if she was telling me the truth but it seems too good to be true...

but now jenny is thinking of voting me out...


and i can't... convince her that the jury doesn't like me. i've done so much wrong to them and been so annoying throughout the game, it just doesn't make sens to think i will win the vote...



ohhh wow... jenny... of all the people in the game to vote me out i really hope you're the last to do it...

this will really hurt. i won't be bitter but it will hurt... because i really thought she couldn't vote against me... she swore she couldn't vote against me...



i wonder if i've just been played the entire time... just to make sure, if i won an immunity streak, it wouldn't be jenny going home... i feel... like such a loser right now... you have no idea.



i don't know what to do... i really thought she couldn't vote against me... just the fact that she's thinking of it... means she CAN... and if she CAN... she probably WILL...

damn.

[Mookie Lee]

i am talking to sierra while she's "doing her make-up and hair, getting ready for school"...

i was talking to her yesterday "at school and on the ride home"...

quotations because... well... yeah... daft...


but anyway, she says she talked to jenny yesterday and she doesn't understand her sudden change so she'll talk to her again today.



i'm... here untill brooke says i'm not. i honestly FEEL like i've built up a real friendship with jenny...

i want her to feel the same way. for a lot more than just making it the end, too. but that parts not interesting to you, diary!



i'm scared. i'm nervous. if i were more nervous i'd say so... and since i'm not saying so... whatever...

i'm nervous! i dont wanna be voted out by someone i feel like i've made a real friendship with. that'll just double-suck.



if i said something wrong, without realizing it... i'll find out... i do that, a lot... i just talk a lot. mookie talks a LOT.

so... yeah... i need time with jenny...

as long as you wanna wait brooke, to get that next part of the challenge up, fine with me! lol!!!!

[Mookie Lee]

ahhhhhhhhh..............










lame.








lol... 90 days... to this. if it weren't jenny it would not matter as much... at all...

anyway... one last thing before it's all over... damn...



flash in the pan april 2009

if there were a reason
to keep me around
i'm sure i would know it
i'm sure it'd be found
in all your directions
one thing kept steady
if i discovered my way
you would always be ready
oh what chance
that i've been given
and one hundred laps of being out-driven
i'm standing nearby and i'm on the outside
and i'm looking in and i am trying...

sometimes things just go beyond your good intentions and how we respond
and sometimes things just don't correspond to some sort of supposed bond
and if i keep trying and trying and trying and trying and trying and trying... and...

if there were any hope
then i'd have a sense of it
i'm sure it would explode
i'm a flash of a grenade,
and fuck it
in all your directions
and this is getting old
in all of your plans that you've had
and i'm a side-note
and oh what an opportunity
what a wonderful passable community
i'm on the outside and i'm looking in and i am trying!

and i am not undying
and there is no denying
and there is no defying
and there is this overlying hurt and this curtain call
and this is for certain, i'm crawling to your knees and i'm begging you please
and i can't even believe that it has come to this end

sometimes things just go beyond your good intentions and how we respond
and sometimes things just don't correspond to some sort of supposed bond
and if i keep trying and trying and trying and trying and trying and trying... and...








yep... i'm gonna keep trying. you never know. anything... ANYTHING can happen.

[Mookie Lee]

... but it probably wont.